I'm feeling a certain kind of way...
Hi there strangers,
I know, I know. I haven't written in years. But today I just feel like I have something to say and so I'm going to send it out into the vast void of the interwebs.
Labels.
A label is technically defined as "a small piece of paper, fabric, plastic, or similar material attached to an object and giving information about it."
Why are parents so afraid of them? I have heard several people say how they are dragging their feet in getting neurological testing done for their child because they don't want their child to have a label. I have major qualms about this and I've decided that I'm going to talk about it because enough is enough.
1. Let's imagine... your child is exhibiting all the symptoms of Type 1 diabetes. Increased thirst, increased urination and so on and so forth. Someone suggests taking them to the doctor to get a blood test to find out if your child has this disease. You decide that you don't want to because the testing could provide your child with a label and you don't want him labeled. This is the EXACT SAME THING AS NEUROLOGICAL TESTING. If your child has been exhibiting traits that make you think, "hm, maybe there's something going on neurologically," then he needs to be tested. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU, THE PARENT...IT IS ABOUT YOUR CHILD. You dragging your feet (sometimes for YEARS -- I'm serious, YEARS) is at a detriment to your child. You are the one worried about the implications of a label but seriously, your child is getting labeled in other ways anyway. It may not be ADHD or OCD or Anxiety or Autism but someone is labeling your child as quirky, mean, aggressive, strange, non-compliant - you name it. So in your quest to make yourself feel better sans label, they are getting labeled in a non-productive and hurtful way.
2. Can you imagine what life is like for your child? Just take a minute. If they are exhibiting this problematic behavior that is making you question things, imagine how it feels for your child. For them to have to try so hard to fit into this world that doesn't make sense, for them to do whatever it takes to regulate themselves because they don't have the tools to do it safely, for their frustration and fear. Have you ever stopped to see life from their shoes? Honestly, is getting a label hurting them? No, it's upsetting for you. That is so SELFISH. There are tons of therapies and strategies and resources out there for your child. Your child can be on a completely different path where they feel understood and aided.
3. Why the fear? Your child will still be the same child you've always known and loved. Get the testing and at least you'll know yes or no, one way or the other. If it is a yes in some capacity then at least you can try to get the adequate support your child needs. The earlier your child can get interventions the better. Yes, my son has autism and his early childhood years look different than many other kiddos - but do you know what? Now that he's in full-time public school with neurologically typical peers, he needs no 504, no IEP to thrive. He's doing it all on his own. Those difficult years doing behavior therapy for 35 hrs/week plus 2 hours of speech and 1 hour of food therapy (so a grand total of 38 hrs/wk) have paid off. Society won't change so it was my job to accept my child as he was and get him the help he needed to be able to adapt and thrive in this one. We still have issues and hurdles as life always ebbs and flows, but I have the resources and knowledge to help him navigate these things as they arise and if it is beyond me I know who to ask. Daredevil has a Psychologist that specials in ASD/Anxiety and has a background in disordered eating. I still have connections with his old ABA company if I need support for a particular issue.
After being in this world, it isn't scary. It is loving, it is supportive. The other parents get it. It's just so nice to not have to explain yourself to them, because they always understand.
The only one you're hurting but not getting the testing and possibly the label is your child. I think it is detrimental and selfish. Sorry, not sorry. I have been where you are. It is scary. You don't want anything to be wrong but the fact of the matter is you need to find out. You wouldn't want your child to have Type 1 Diabetes either, but you'd get the blood test so you could help them get better as soon as possible. So why won't you help them get better as soon as possible now? Why won't you get them into the doctor? They don't have the words to express that everything seems so overwhelming or loud or smelly or hard or confusing. It's how the world has always been for them ad they just know it doesn't feel right. They need your help.
I beg you, put your own feelings aside and do it for your child. Enough is enough. Seriously.
I know, I know. I haven't written in years. But today I just feel like I have something to say and so I'm going to send it out into the vast void of the interwebs.
Labels.
A label is technically defined as "a small piece of paper, fabric, plastic, or similar material attached to an object and giving information about it."
Why are parents so afraid of them? I have heard several people say how they are dragging their feet in getting neurological testing done for their child because they don't want their child to have a label. I have major qualms about this and I've decided that I'm going to talk about it because enough is enough.
1. Let's imagine... your child is exhibiting all the symptoms of Type 1 diabetes. Increased thirst, increased urination and so on and so forth. Someone suggests taking them to the doctor to get a blood test to find out if your child has this disease. You decide that you don't want to because the testing could provide your child with a label and you don't want him labeled. This is the EXACT SAME THING AS NEUROLOGICAL TESTING. If your child has been exhibiting traits that make you think, "hm, maybe there's something going on neurologically," then he needs to be tested. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU, THE PARENT...IT IS ABOUT YOUR CHILD. You dragging your feet (sometimes for YEARS -- I'm serious, YEARS) is at a detriment to your child. You are the one worried about the implications of a label but seriously, your child is getting labeled in other ways anyway. It may not be ADHD or OCD or Anxiety or Autism but someone is labeling your child as quirky, mean, aggressive, strange, non-compliant - you name it. So in your quest to make yourself feel better sans label, they are getting labeled in a non-productive and hurtful way.
2. Can you imagine what life is like for your child? Just take a minute. If they are exhibiting this problematic behavior that is making you question things, imagine how it feels for your child. For them to have to try so hard to fit into this world that doesn't make sense, for them to do whatever it takes to regulate themselves because they don't have the tools to do it safely, for their frustration and fear. Have you ever stopped to see life from their shoes? Honestly, is getting a label hurting them? No, it's upsetting for you. That is so SELFISH. There are tons of therapies and strategies and resources out there for your child. Your child can be on a completely different path where they feel understood and aided.
3. Why the fear? Your child will still be the same child you've always known and loved. Get the testing and at least you'll know yes or no, one way or the other. If it is a yes in some capacity then at least you can try to get the adequate support your child needs. The earlier your child can get interventions the better. Yes, my son has autism and his early childhood years look different than many other kiddos - but do you know what? Now that he's in full-time public school with neurologically typical peers, he needs no 504, no IEP to thrive. He's doing it all on his own. Those difficult years doing behavior therapy for 35 hrs/week plus 2 hours of speech and 1 hour of food therapy (so a grand total of 38 hrs/wk) have paid off. Society won't change so it was my job to accept my child as he was and get him the help he needed to be able to adapt and thrive in this one. We still have issues and hurdles as life always ebbs and flows, but I have the resources and knowledge to help him navigate these things as they arise and if it is beyond me I know who to ask. Daredevil has a Psychologist that specials in ASD/Anxiety and has a background in disordered eating. I still have connections with his old ABA company if I need support for a particular issue.
After being in this world, it isn't scary. It is loving, it is supportive. The other parents get it. It's just so nice to not have to explain yourself to them, because they always understand.
The only one you're hurting but not getting the testing and possibly the label is your child. I think it is detrimental and selfish. Sorry, not sorry. I have been where you are. It is scary. You don't want anything to be wrong but the fact of the matter is you need to find out. You wouldn't want your child to have Type 1 Diabetes either, but you'd get the blood test so you could help them get better as soon as possible. So why won't you help them get better as soon as possible now? Why won't you get them into the doctor? They don't have the words to express that everything seems so overwhelming or loud or smelly or hard or confusing. It's how the world has always been for them ad they just know it doesn't feel right. They need your help.
I beg you, put your own feelings aside and do it for your child. Enough is enough. Seriously.
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